Why I blog and some updates

I honestly missed this place. Peter and I were able to talk the other day because I complained about a troll's comment on here. I just wanted to find out if he was the same old troll who was tormenting me before. But Peter was too busy with the big changes that are brewing on here.

So I decided to update the bloggie because it looks so destitute. I've been active everywhere but here, so I might as well pay it a bit of attention, heheh.

For lack of anything better to do, I think a fun question for me to answer right now would be, "Why do I blog?"

I blog because I cannot stop talking. I blog because I cannot stop thinking. I blog because it's my release from the verbal pressure in my cranium. I blog because I like sharing what I've learned.

Someone criticized me before about how I seemed to revel in the title of "writer". Well, it's because it's my profession? Like, I get paid for it? So what would I call myself, otherwise? Verbal-slave-to-offshore-penny-pinchers?!

It's ridiculous how I was criticized for my neologisms, for my "grammatical" faux pas, and blamed for everything but the shattering of that planet that made the Asteroid Belt. *eyes narrowing* I guess I could not get over the fact that I was criticized for labeling myself correctly.

But either way, I hope I've moved on. I think I may have regained a bit of my self-respect after those months of the troll's silence. Even my Google pages have recovered. But if he reads this and there'll be a resurgence of social bookmarking for articles against me as a person, I'd wonder why the troll still isn't happy, even if he's getting all the breaks and the publicity, what with his new career.

Back to why I blog. I blog because I like seeing my thoughts form right before my eyes. I blog because I am addicted to typing, and chatting is so lame and time-consuming. I blog because there's no one better to talk to on IRC, and I happen to like talking to myself. I blog because my friends and my fiance are busy and I just want to vent. I blog because it's a way for my parents to keep tabs with my life, as my posts in my Multiply pages. I blog because it's free therapy, and it uses up less RAM than making videos. I blog because I want to kill time. I blog because I don't want to work yet, or I'm taking a break from work. I blog because getting published on a paper isn't worth it nowadays, though I may reconsider that, heheh.

This list may be endless, because I have to have rehab for blogging. But I just want to say that I miss Jen and Peter, and I missed my i.ph blog, and no matter how many trollz pass by my life and try to ruin it, I'll be standing, coz I know I'm standing on Higher Ground. I'll just have to learn how to forgive though. Coz that's the most difficult part. Especially if troll keeps leaving nasty comments on here.

Get a life, coz it seems like you already do. Leave peace-loving, tree-hugging, dorm-lurking lesser creatures like me alone. I don't have a life, I'm so damn pathetic, so pick on someone your own size. Someone as big-fish as you are, ok? Good luck on going to America to be a comedian. And I'm pretty sincere on that.

My Amazing Intarwebz Speedz :p

And I haven't told you about the speeds at 4am!

Bottom line is, I totally am thankful I decided to listen to God and stick with them. :p

self-exposure days over.

i realized that i will be judged for my posts. therefore, i will censor myself now.

whoa.

i just rediscovered why i loved alanis in the first place.

the will of God.

there's a story in 1 Kings 13 about a Judean prophet who was told by God to deliver a message to the errant King Jeroboam. King Jeroboam was the one chosen by God to take away half of Israel from the descendants of King Solomon, due to King Solomon's sin.

the prophet was told by God specifically not to eat anything or go back the way he came. but one old prophet from Bethel urged the Judean prophet to go back with him to eat a meal and spend the night in his home. the Judean prophet refused, pointing out that God had told him not to have a meal in Israel or go back the way he came. but the old prophet claimed that an angel visited him and that he was told by God that it was ok for the Judean prophet to go and have a meal.
 

and so the Judean prophet went back to have a meal.

 
as they were having their meal, the old prophet cried out God's words of anger towards the disobedience of the prophet, and the declaration that because of the disobedience, the prophet will die and not be buried among his relatives.

so the old prophet saddled the Judean prophet on his donkey and sent him on his way. not a long way off, the Judean prophet was waylaid by a lion, but he wasn't eaten. the lion just stood there and didn't even eat the donkey. the old prophet heard about it, commented that "indeed God spoke through this man and His words would come true," (paraphrased). and gave the Judean prophet a burial in his own tomb, asking his sons to bury him with the Judean when he died later.

what i first thought upon reading was: "ay gago pala itong old prophet, did he set out to test the veracity of the Judean prophet's words by deliberately disobeying what God told the other and taking him in his own home, thereby risking the other's death, knowing that in the Old Testament, the punishment for a disobedient or lying prophet was death?!

but upon a reread, i thought that the old geezer must just be thinking about the welfare of the Judean prophet. prophets in their day bonded together and they were like a club of elites. they really took care of each other then. but upon a deeper examination of the chapter, there was one thing that God made clear in me: it is not about human compassion, or anything else that matters. it was what Gigi kept on reiterating to me: the will of God is foremost in everything. even Jesus did not heal everyone that came His way. He would only heal those God made Him heal.

but anyway. i realized that God's commands are not something to be trifled with. disobedience is death. ergo, i am in deep shit unless i turn from my sin and run to God. i'm only too lucky that God did not let me go and just kill me. this may be my last warning yet.

God just disciplines His own. pure and simple. i whined to Him, but God, i was looking for stuff that would say that you love me no matter what, that i'm still your daughter… He told me: "you're no longer a kid." pure, plain, simple. as gigi told me, we cannot make a mockery of God's holiness. He is pure and holy, and we shouldn't make light of that. we could not afford to kid around and be happy idiots mouthing God's love and not being aware of His discipline. Jesus is both Lion and Lamb. while He was a sacrifice for our sins, He is still our Judge. we cannot say that we truly love Him, if we do not obey His commands. He did say that somewhere in the New Testament.

in short, we cannot afford to compromise. stumble, we will inevitably. but to walk headlong into sin, like i'm doing, is a different story. as James MacDonald said in the podcast that really got me to want to repent (reminds me, i haven't yet!), compromise is something that makes a person slide slowly into a cesspit. at first, there is only a little compromising going on. but it goes on and on and on until you have dug a grave. and it's contagious too. it colors the whole of your life until you are so sapped of life that you are so spiritually pale that your spiritual skin must be gray already.

and so, that chapter, that podcast by James MacDonald, "Grace When I am Compromised", was a knock-knock in my head. my decision? get back up from my fall and walk on.

Lord, please take my hand. i cannot walk without You.

beautiful california sourdough.

this has got to be the prettiest piece of bread i've seen so far.

up close, so you can see its prettiness.

and it's healthy too!
 

the story starts like this. i was rummaging through parents' house to see if there was still food, as i wasn't satisfied with dinner. then… i saw beautiful hunk of bread. suffice to say, it took my breath away. but i didn't partake of it because it was too pretty to touch… that, and apparently, it was tatay who got it. it's common knowledge in my household that anything that's tatay's is definitely off-limits.

the package said that the bread was California Sourdough… fat-free, no sugar added. hrmhrm. sourdough?? weird name. but it looked very pretty, nonetheless.

i finally got to enjoy beautiful hunk of bread this sunday… when it was already opened and there was nothing else to eat at home coz parents were too tamad to even bring food. :p poor widdle stweetchild moi needs your donations. :p

i didn't like the bread when i first tasted it at lunchtime, as i asked nanay if i could have just a bite. it had a sour offtaste (duh, California Sourdough, hello?!), but i thought it was just mixing with the other food in my mouth, so i decided to give it a try again later.

that night, as i said, there was no food, and thus i had to gorge on beautiful hunk of bread slathered with melted cheese. it tasted best with eden cheese, as opposed to melted queso de bola.

*sigh* yumyum!
 

God hath forgiven thee. Sing together, raise the roof!

i was walking around like a tramp. i projected mirth, but i was dying inside. my so-called "creativity" was gone like a candle that was snuffed out. i was no longer alive inside. i was dying slowly and i didn't even realize it.

Lord, technology is making so many things possible. i'm just so thankful that i discovered podcasts and sermon radios… through these, i'll be able to feed of the Vine. i do not want to dry up like a raisin in the heat of the sun. i want to remain alive in You. help me, dear Lord…
 

 
Psalm 32

A David Psalm

 1 Count yourself lucky, how happy you must be— you get a fresh start,
      your slate's wiped clean.

 5 Then I let it all out;
      I said, "I'll make a clean breast of my failures to God."

   Suddenly the pressure was gone—
      my guilt dissolved,
      my sin disappeared.

 11 Celebrate God.
      Sing together—everyone!
      All you honest hearts, raise the roof!

-from the Message Bible by Eugene Peterson

Happy Sunday everyone! 

overworked and undersexed.

brain dead again. catching my breath because i've OD'd on yosi again. depressed because i haven't been able to do a single thing in… 24 hours? maybe i just need the break.

why did i go on calliope? well, i saw these calliope blogs before, and i found them nice. but what compelled me was stumbling upon this "kid"'s blog. and the fact that blog-city will charge me $4.5 or Php216 per month starting next year. this is a good place to migrate pastor richard's blog, i think.

stumbling upon chuck's blog was a surreal experience. i actually thought i was reading a girl's blog. forgive me, chuck, but you sounded like me when i was 15.

do i sound world-weary to you? maybe i'm just beset by woes, never a rest from problems, so it seems.

and yet i don't want to live my life any other way. i like being an adult who acts like a kid. i like beating myself up for not registering to vote. i like flagellating myself over making wrong decisions. i like this life, and i won't give anything to have it any other way.

rambles of an overworked, brain-dead creature.

*sigh* back to work, kiddies.

another blog?!

honestly. do i need another one???

i just really like the layout of calliope. so do me. hahahaha!

i'm not really in the mood for anything else but a good ol' smoke right now. so i'm off to the store to get me a pack. bad lorie.